Free Hugs

“Can I get a gift receipt for this, Megan? I’d like to return it.”
- Wes Goubeaux

This year, during the Choice One Engineering Christmas party, we were all so fortunate to receive the gift voucher above. Since we all LOVE hugs so much, Megan wanted to make sure that we all knew her arms are open for hugs whenever, wherever.

Based on the typical subjects of our Choice Mindsets (which are just the tip of the silliness iceberg here at Choice One) you can probably guess that there were a lot of ridiculous gifts passed out this year. Jeff Puthoff finally received the purple sport coat he’s been dreaming of (to dress up with all of those green shirts he wears to Christmas mass). Mitch received a children’s toy car and road signage play set, to help visualize his traffic studies and plot out his arguments with Matt. And Jeff Kunk received a single doughnut, since he clearly has a hard time finding them in the grocery store, seeing as he hasn't bought doughnuts for the company in 20 years.

With all of these awesome gifts, it’s no surprise that Wes was disappointed with a lousy free hug coupon. Which begs the question: what is the cash value of unlimited hugs from Megan? $1.76? Maybe $2.05? 

Happy New Year from everyone at Choice One Engineering!

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet

“Looks like I’m faster than electricity.”
Mitch Thobe

We don’t think it would be a stretch to say that every one of us has been angered by a printer sometime in recent memory. The printers here at Choice One have been threatened, kicked, and cursed at. In response to what is surely not user error, we have thrown our hands in the air, stomped about, and hurled things at the printers. (All of which has been soooooo successful at fixing the problem…)

Mitch, however, has taken a more positive view of this problem with printers. Rather than complain about a slow printer, Mitch has chosen to believe that he is actually faster than the electronic signals between his computer and the printer. This modest reverse of an irritating situation makes this problem with printers a little more bearable.

A positive, “faster than electricity” attitude and making the best of challenging conditions is pretty useful, especially for Mitch. As a loyal Cleveland Browns fan, Mitch has a lot of experience making the best of a frustrating situation. Plus, if his outlook saves the printer from a beating, it’s a win for all of us. Except the Browns.

Letting it Ride

“When I played basketball in high school, we didn’t even have a three-point line.”

Caray Schmiesing

Happy birthday to our beloved controller, Caray Schmiesing. We would have never guessed that she’s older than the basketball three-point line. Caray’s husband, Rogel, surprised her with a trip to Las Vegas for the momentous occasion. As much crap as she gives us for losing track of one penny, we would hate to see her keeping tabs on her pocket change in a casino. Hope you actually got to gamble, Rogel...

Getting older, for most of us, means taking fewer gambles. If you’re Nick Sanders, that means walking AROUND the gas pump line rather than OVER the gas pump line (lest he break an elbow). If you’re Brittany that means NOT trying to plow through that snowdrift in the parking lot with everyone watching (in hindsight, at least they were available to help push her out). And if you’re Caray, that means no long shots from behind the three-point line. Oh, wait, there WAS no three-point line for you…

With the stress of life these days, we figure it’s ok to occasionally cut loose to feel young again (like when Tony gets crazy and stays up past 9:00pm). Thankfully Caray didn’t cut TOO loose in Vegas (betting on basketball, no doubt) and get stuck there—we need her to watch our dollars and sense… er, cents.

Lift on Three

“How many green shirts does it take to move one desk?”
Megan Bornhorst

Believe it or not, it’s getting greener around here. Over the past week, the Sidney office has been repainted.  You will no doubt be shocked to hear the new paint is blue and orange.

Just kidding, it’s all painted the best colors in the world: purple and green.

Having Brian Barhorst  boss us all around (just like every other day…) to get stuff out of the way to paint means a lot of heavy lifting. Since some of the weak, er, “lucky” ones are able to observe (we know Brittany and Kaye can’t successfully lift something together), we have compiled the following:

• At five, Tony’s desk (pictured) requires the most green shirts to move. Note that Tony is not one of the five. Coincidental? We think not. (Hey, he built that desk, so he knows how heavy it is.)
• There’s been surprisingly little bellyaching. Until the heavy desk is actually in the air. And Ryan Lefeld has the heavy end.
• It takes a lot of cooperation, coordination, and timing to make a challenging task go smoothly. And since no one’s developed a hernia yet, we must have that part down.

Based on Mitch’s grimace (far right, above), we’re glad that the painting is completed and are enjoying the finished product. But don’t tell the guys--they have to move it all again (twice!) when the new carpet comes next week.

Put 'Em Up!

(via email)
TONY SCHROEDER: On a side note, Lonnie Cain came up to me at [soccer] practice last night and was laughing about how excited Tricia got; He gave me all these ideas on how to defend myself if she showed up at Lehman. 

TRICIA BISHOP, ODOT DIST. 7: Like I told Lonnie – you name the parking lot!... I’m still scrappy!

MATT PARRILL, ODOT DIST. 7: My money is on Tricia in a cage match!

TONY SCHROEDER: First of all, I am hurt that no one has any confidence in me.  Second of all, I wouldn't ever get in a cage with Tricia, I need a place to run.  Maybe that’s why no one has confidence in me.

We don’t know who to put our money on in a fight between Tony and Tricia, although Tricia might be the best bet. Tricia Bishop, the Environmental Coordinator at ODOT District 7, loves her work, and it shows--she is passionate, dedicated, and, in her words, “scrappy.” Once, after a particularly exciting public meeting, she told Tony that she was energized by the public’s zealous participation in the project. Tony, on the other hand, felt that the meeting was two hours of “sheer terror.” Watch out, Tony, she seems pretty fearless.

As our courageous leader, there are a few things we would not want to challenge Tony in: soccer, cycling, Nerf gun wars... But there are a few things we would be willing to challenge him on: sand volleyball, reading small print, plumbing...

In all sincerity, though, we’d put our money behind Tony for just about anything--he’s helped to keep us going in the right direction for almost 20 years. Still, Tricia seems like a formidable opponent, so we’ll try to keep Tony on her good side. Or at least sell tickets to the cage match at a fair price.

Happy Boss's Day...

“Well, it was either get pies from The Spot for Boss’s Day, or go around and give everyone hugs.”
Brittany Clinehens

Since everyone at Choice One really loves his or her remarkable, motivating, caring, amazing manager (yeah, that might be some sucking up), we had pies from The Spot in Sidney and desserts from Julian’s in Loveland in honor of Boss’s Day. Brittany’s Boss’s Day hug suggestion would probably have been met with more clumsiness and apprehension than the delight and eagerness the desserts received. Hugs are just a little too… “expressive” for many of our crowd.

Our hesitation to hug it out doesn't diminish our fondness for each other. Kaye really enjoyed the time Brittany ran Kaye’s head into a wall while moving a heavy box together. Ryan Francis offered his sympathetic support when Craig fell (screaming) down a creek bank. And Caray loved the fact that everyone was in the van when she got stuck in the only mud in the middle of downtown Indianapolis--we were all there to push her out!

When push comes to shove (sometimes literally, as in Caray’s stuck-in-the-mud incident), we really do get along and enjoy being around each other. It’s what’s kept us together for almost 20 years. Needless to say, Spot pies and Julian’s brownies help to keep us all coming back to the office, too. Well, at least more than hugs would.

Pin the Tail on the Donkey

KAYE: "What's up with this guy's stomach?"

BRITTANY: "The guys thought it was a cummerbund. I think it's a fanny pack."

Meet Eeyore (from the abbreviation E-OR), the unofficial mascot of Choice One's core values. He's quite the looker, don't you think? He was hand-drawn by Jeff Kunk during a company meeting some time ago, and we just can't throw him away. He's become part of our team. You know, like the color green, Jeff Puthoff's clones, and the sandwich geniuses at Arby's.

Eeyore represents our values with his broad shoulders, passionate mind, and guts (i.e. cummerbund/fanny pack). Therefore we like to work with and for people who look like Eeyore. Yep, you guessed it--expect Choice One fanny packs for Christmas this year. Unless we have a request for a green and purple cummerbund?

P.S. Wondering where Eeyore's tail gets pinned (like the Winnie the Pooh donkey character)? Good question. Perhaps when we celebrate Choice One's 20th birthday next October we can play "Pin the Tail on Kunk...er, Kunk's Drawing" as a party game.

Traffic Jam

“You can always tell when Mitch is on the phone with Matt: his voice gets higher and higher and louder and louder.”
- Brian Goubeaux

Traffic engineers Matt Hoying and Mitch Thobe talk traffic daily. Both have the same traffic engineering education from the Northwestern University Center for Public Safety in Chicago, but you’d never know it—they argue about the minutiae of traffic engineering CONSTANTLY. Should the pole be located here or two inches to the left? Should the delay on the loop detectors be 8 seconds or 10 seconds? Does an ice cream truck qualify as “heavy truck traffic” or just as an excuse for a tasty snack?

We have managed to discern that these two argue about perfect traffic design 1) because Matt likes to fire Mitch up, and 2) because both of them are passionate about traffic engineering (NERDS!). With all of this fire and passion, it recently caught us by surprise that not all of our clients know about our obsessive traffic engineers’ abilities. Admittedly, we just assumed you could all hear Matt and Mitch arguing from three counties away. Our bad.

Allan Heitbrink, our newest engineer, is heading for the NUCPS in Chicago this fall to become a (bigger) geek like Matt and Mitch. We’re hoping this somehow creates less gridlock for our phone system. More importantly, let’s hope that the EPA doesn’t get wind of the potentially higher, louder exhaust with one more traffic engineer squawking about side-street queues.

"I'm Thinkin' Arby's"

"The Sidney office has buns from Arby's. Is it fair to assume that the Sidney office had Arby's sandwiches? If so, Schmidty at the Loveland office is jealous."

- Brian Schmidt (via email)

Hmmm, based on a recent pile of boxes to recycle, the Loveland office has had plenty of tasty food for the Sidney office to be jealous of over the past few weeks. Still, Brian makes a good point--there are no Arby's wrappers in that pile, and Arby's IS awfully tasty...

Despite the lack of snacks from Arby's and the 90-mile distance between our Sidney and Loveland offices, we aim to make the atmosphere as similar as possible. For instance, now that the first coffee addict (Nick Selhorst) is in the Loveland office, we have installed a coffee machine in Loveland similar to the one in Sidney. One can assume that Nick will have the new one hooked up in about 30 seconds, unlike Tony's crazy coffee machine debacle last spring. Another example is Brian Schmidt, who calls Brittany every few days to read her the "You Might Be a Redneck..." daily calendar he keeps in Loveland. ("You own more cowboy boots than sneakers," and "It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it" have hit a little too close to home recently.)

These efforts to maintain similarity at our offices is important because it keeps us all on the same team. Even though the offices are about an hour and a half apart, we hope the physical distance doesn't deter the camaraderie (i.e. laughter and tomfoolery) that we enjoy in both offices.

FYI, most Arby's restaurants will "cater" for your next organized event if you call ahead. Think of hot roast beef by the pound, fresh buns, and a huge order of perfectly-seasoned curly fries with cheese. When Schmidty reads this Choice Mindset, we can imagine Schmidty will be jealously hungry just thinking of Arby's sandwiches. Brian, shall we assume that the Arby's on Loveland-Madeira Road is about to sell one more sandwich?

P.S. Apparently, as soon as Nick plugged in the new coffeemaker in Loveland, there was a power surge in all of their electrical outlets. Tony must have cursed that machine, too.

Breakin' the Law

“I have very strict photo taking rules.  No outfit changes, it can only last one hour, and it has to involve farm equipment.” 
- Jeff Puthoff

Well, hope none of you wanted to grab a photo with Jeff for posterity.

Jeff and his family (pictured above) don't take family photos too often. You can't blame them--Jeff's rules probably require his family and the photographer to plan for months in advance to keep under the rigid time limit. The one and only outfit probably has to be carefully planned and prepared. The farm equipment must be in perfect condition for the best aesthetic effect (i.e. must be John Deere). There are no re-takes here.

There are important rules beyond photo-taking around Choice One. For instance:

• Pay for Canteen purchases when you make them--NO EXCEPTIONS.
• Buy doughnuts for everyone with your very first paycheck.*
• If there are coffee grounds in the trashcan in Loveland, the coffee-drinkers in the office** MUST take out the trash on Friday.

Naturally, all of these rules have been broken. Some have said that "rules are made to be broken." Indeed, broken rules have led to some of the best minds in our world to think outside the box and step out of comfort zones. So how do we know when to break the rules? Oliver Wendell Holmes, a notable American writer, once said "The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions."

I guess at Choice One, that means our old fogies Tony, Steve, and Jeff Puthoff can pay the Canteen with IOUs, they can buy everyone doughnuts with EVERY paycheck, and they can blame Nick Selhorst for the coffee grounds in the trash. (Oh wait, that's going to happen regardless.) However, a word of warning to authorized rule-breakers Tony and Steve: don't ask Puthoff to change outfits for a photo. Ever.

*Unfortunately, we know from the last Choice Mindset, we know some people feel above the rule for doughnut buying.

**That would be you and only you, Nick Selhorst.

I Want These Doughnuts...

“I don’t want to break my streak now.”
- Jeff Kunk

If we go waaaaay back into Choice One lore, there’s a mystical legend that Jeff Kunk has never bought doughnuts for the entire company. See, there’s a rule here: when you receive your first paycheck as a new employee, you buy doughnuts for everyone. Seriously—it’s in the new employee guidebook. According to the tale, Jeff Kunk never bought doughnuts when he started at Choice One, and hasn’t bought doughnuts ever. The rest of us have bought them. Poor Tyler has co-oped here three times and bought doughnuts each time (he’ll whine about—er, tell you about it if you ask…).

Anyhow, when we had six co-ops/summer help and one new full-time employee this summer who all started around the same date, we didn’t want 12 dozen doughnuts here at once. Logically, we needed a doughnut schedule. The author of this schedule, knowing that Kunk STILL owes doughnuts from 1994, added him to the top of the list. As you can see, the schedule was revised and enhanced, as well, in hopes that Kunk would come to his senses and pay up

The moral of the story? If at first your don't succeed (getting Kunk to buy doughnuts), try, try, and try again. The outcome of the story? Jeff Kunk STILL hasn’t bought doughnuts. And as evidenced by his quote above, never will.

Just Felt Like Running

Wes Goubeaux: "When's the last time anyone's seen Greg run?"
Jeff Kunk: "When he broke his leg."
Kaye Borchers: "Gym class."

Not everyone enjoys running. Jeff Puthoff has been known to call running "boring," much like baseball. Based on the fact that few of us have seen Greg run, one could assume that Greg finds it boring, too. Kaye would know: of all Choice One-ians, she's known Greg the longest: they were classmates for 13 years in Fort Loramie Schools.

It's nice to work with someone you've known your whole life. You know their family, history, likes, dislikes, etc. For instance...

• Greg knows that Kaye had a passion for horses and unicorns in elementary school. Kaye knows that Greg had a passion for Reba McEntire.
• Greg remembers Kaye before braces and Lasik. Let's just say thank goodness for orthodontia.
• Kaye remembers embarrassing things Greg has done. Like hitting a raised manhole in his parents' backyard with his car, deploying the airbag. That manhole has always been there, Greg. It's still there--Kaye now lives next door to Greg's parents and can confirm that she laughs every time she sees it.

While they have some different interests (Kaye enjoys running, while, based on his frequency, we'll assume Greg doesn't), Greg and Kaye get along. There's obviously way too much dirt they could dish on each other should one decide to turn on the other. So Greg, no need to pull out any big-glasses-and-crooked-teeth photos of Kaye. And Kaye, no need to get out the photos of Greg wearing his Reba shirt every week in sixth grade.

Votto-Matic

“Joey Votto will not be worth that much money.”
- Tony Schroeder



Tony has a knack for making extreme claims about immaterial subjects that are entirely against public consensus, are unfounded on substantial facts or common sense, and typically end up being entirely wrong. Whether or not Joey Votto (first baseman for the Cincinnati Reds) will be “worth that much money” someday is still up in the air since he’s only two years into a 10-year, $225-million contract, be we hear he’s pretty good. At least the 5,128,515 All-Star votes he received this year seems to indicate some kind of talent. 

Of course, the folks around here have been known to make other statements that proved untrue in the long run. For instance, Fort Loramie native Brian Barhorst said he’d never move to Minster (which he then did in 2003). Half a dozen guys around here swore they would never get married and have eaten their words. We once said “We’ll never open a second location.” Yet two years after opening, the Loveland office is going strong.

Finally, the granddaddy of them all: Tony once stated, when first drafted by the NBA that “LeBron James will not amount to anything.” Maybe the coverage on ESPN was mistaken, but didn’t some team that James is on win some championship recently? While we’ll have to wait and see if Tony is right about Votto, perhaps he can clarify something about LeBron for us: what does “MVP” stand for again, Tony?

Gravity

"Tyler, can you change your name to 'Newton' for the summer? That way we can have 'Olivia Newton-John' all working next to each other in one office."
- Andy Shuman



Calling Tyler "Newton" wouldn't be much of a stretch (and not just because he's a self-proclaimed genius). We have several nicknames here, although some are not very self-explanatory:

• "Barney" - Brian Barhorst acquired this nickname long before the inception of Choice One. He claims he doesn't remember where it came from, but that he was given the nickname in the third grade. Anyhow, with three Brians, it's an obvious way to single him out. In fact, many of our clients call him "Barney" as well. And no, the nickname has nothing to do with the singing purple dinosaur, but sometimes we question it.
• "M. John" - Matt's traffic engineer persona/superhero name. Faster than a car through a yellow light, he can clear gridlock in a single bound!
• "Not Nick" - If you've ever seen our plans, you may have noticed that we tag everything with initials. Nick Selhorst arrived here about a year ago and created a problem we'd never had: duplicate initials. Nick Selhorst's initials, NJS, were the same as incumbent Nick Sanders's initials. So we deemed Nick Selhorst "Not Nick Sanders," and his initials have been NNS ever since.
• "Michael Soft Hands" - During an early co-op, before he was a full-time engineer at Choice One, Michael Seeger worked on the survey crew for a time. As is typical, Jeff "Shorty" North (that nickname IS self-explanatory) made Michael do all the sledge-swinging, and he got blisters--hence his "soft hands."

Clearly, nicknames here at Choice One generally come from some form of teasing. Basically, if you've embarrassed yourself, you have a nickname. Needless to say, it's not long after you arrive at Choice One before you have a nickname due our general unusualness, clumsiness, or ridiculousness. For, as you may have noticed, we have no "Einstein" or "LeBron" here.

Nick! Ear Muffs!

“Sometimes you walk into the craziest conversations here. You just look ahead and keep walking.”
- Nick Sanders

Between Megan recently being nine months pregnant* and not afraid to share (Wes has a habit of accidentally wandering into these conversations), Brian Schmidt cursing at his computer (and startling the co-op in the Loveland office with him), and Kaye’s recent purchase of a four-foot concrete Sasquatch as a gift for her husband (the nine-year wedding anniversary is the concrete anniversary, right?), there are certainly some interesting dialogs here at Choice One. Yep, all these Mindset quotes are quite real...

Nick's advice is pretty good, but if you feel inclined to listen, you might learn a few things from the random discussions around here. Perhaps you'll hear about the finer points between a lunch of Al’s Pizza versus Cassano's Pizza. Maybe you'll overhear all of the "sick" new terms Tony and Brittany are picking up from marketing intern and Chicago-area native John. Or, with luck, you'll hear how quickly Nick Selhorst can move his feet while dancing “Gangnam Style” at his wedding this past weekend (congrats Nick!).

Despite what you may hear, civil engineers aren't always boring and technical. You just have to walk into one of our conversations to prove it. Just keep in mind, though, that's it's probably best to look ahead and keep walking.

*Megan and her husband Andy welcomed to their family a healthy baby girl, Drew Elizabeth, on Tuesday, June 11. Congratulations Bornhorsts!

Playing Telephone

“So Kaye, how do we enter answering all of these phones calls on our timesheet?”
- Megan Bornhorst

Much to the delight of her coworkers, Kaye embarrassed herself by mistakenly emailing a $250 sponsorship invoice to 660 members and contacts of the I-70/75 Development Association, which she sits on the board of. About 50 of those contacts (rightfully) called Choice One to talk to Kaye regarding the erroneous invoice. All at once.

Thankfully for Kaye, Megan and Brittany stepped up and answered the calls, apologizing over and over to confused (and, thankfully, understanding) invoice recipients. Brian Barhorst even fielded a call from the Governor’s Office.

This begs the question that if we need a time code for “Answering phone calls for Kaye’s slip up,” then perhaps there are a few more new time codes we might need around here:

• Guessing/discussing the gender and arrival date of Megan’s baby. (due June 11!)
• Helping Tony find his glasses. Or coffee cup. Or remember why he walked to your desk to talk to you.
• Predicting how Nick Sanders might next injure himself.
• Picking on Michigan fans.

In closing, what has Kaye learned? 1) Check the “Recipient” list a little more thoroughly before sending out invoices for the Association, and 2) If you want to get the Governor’s attention, send his office a fabricated $250 invoice.

Boo!

“Choice One has probably considered a subsurface exploration study.  But the bookstore on the south side of 571 between First and Second Streets is supposed to be haunted. So Choice One should add a Line Item for Ghostbusters. Lump Sum.”
-Vic Roberts
R.B. Jergens Contractors, Vandalia

We’ve never had a request to add a line item for “Ghostbusting” before. However, there are certainly enough Egon-esc nerds around Choice One who could figure it out. Wikipedia describes Egon Spengler, a character in the Ghostbusters movies, as “book smart, with not much social ability.” Yep, sounds like most Choice One engineers. The article continues to say “as a child, the only toy he ever had was part of a Slinky, which he straightened out. Spengler is a sugar junkie and sleeps an average of 14 minutes per day, leaving him ‘a lot of time to work.’” Wow. If that’s not Jeff Puthoff in a nutshell… Although Jeff claims to have only had old shoes to play with as a child.

Choice One nerds aside, we’ll have to take into consideration that “Ghostbusting” might lead to several other items that might be useful in our plans and estimates. Well, useful to us.

 


The bookstore Vic mentions is Browse Awhile Books, at 118 East Main Street in Tipp City. Check it out sometime, but don’t mind the ongoing construction outside in the street. Let’s hope the contractor isn’t disturbing any ghosts out there. Who ya gonna call?

Resident Experts

Brittany:  "I hate praying mantis."
Mitch:  "Is it 'praying' mantis or 'prang' mantis?"
Brittany:  "I think it is 'praying' mantis because it looks like they are praying."
Mitch: "Oh. Probably. I just always say it really fast so people don't know what I am saying."

 



Yeah, Mitch, you might want to protect that valuable noggin of yours. It's clearly filled with spot-on information about the world beyond engineering. Or maybe you just need to uncover your ears to hear "praying" instead of "prang."

Since we've successfully filled Mitch's head with traffic engineering data, we can't expect him to also be an expert in entomology (that's the study of insects, Mitch). Besides, if we had an insect expert, he'd have to compete with the other "experts" around here, like our lawn expert Greg, who accidentally sprayed his entire lawn with Round-Up instead of a non-grass-killing herbicide this past weekend.

Thankfully, we really are experts at the things that matter here at Choice One (you know, like farming, cycling, and pizza). Let's just hope that Mitch's fashion statement doesn't catch on around here. It would take Megan twice as long to get ready for work if she had to put bags on her feet and a lifejacket on her head...

In the Doghouse

“I think I’m going to put a reminder on my phone that says ‘Go to work,’ and just hit ‘Dismiss’ when it pops up.”
- Greg Albers

For some reason, Brian Schmidt ends up in the doghouse almost every week, as he tends to have a hard time remembering to submit his completed timesheet. He gets it all filled out, but its that tricky little "Submit" button that gets him every time. And, like clockwork, almost every Monday Jeff Puthoff "politely" reminds Schmitty to click 'Submit."

Brian decided to be proactive and put a recurring reminder on his Outlook calendar that says “Submit Timesheet” on every Friday afternoon. However, he apparently dismisses this reminder each time it pops up on his screen. Perhaps he has a hard time tearing himself away from a particularly engaging sanitary sewer slope... or is occasionally distracted by the downtown Loveland traffic passing the office.

There’s lots of things we can think of that would be more fun to “dismiss” than filling out our timesheets, such as:

• "Perform field survey" (in 5-degree weather)
• "Perform field survey " (in 95-degree weather)
• "Lunch meeting - 12:30" (when some of us struggle to patiently wait ALL the way until 12:30pm to eat)
• "Fix coffee machine" (when you're Tony)

Perhaps you all can help us out. Feel free to bombard Schmitty with reminders to submit his timesheet today at bjs@choiceoneengineering.com. Since Jeff Puthoff can be cranky early on a Monday morning (many of us might agree that Monday mornings are a tempting time to click "Dismiss" on the "Go to Work" reminder), and since Brian doesn’t pay attention to his computer reminder, maybe we can keep him out of that doghouse with a reminder by committee.

Playing Hooky

Brian Goubeaux: “Jeff, if MSA is the official architect of the Cincinnati Reds and they take Opening Day off, can we be the official civil engineers of the Cincinnati Reds and get Opening Day off too?”
 
Jeff Puthoff: “Goub, baseball is boring. If you want Opening Day off, just take a frickin’ vacation day.”

Some of us baseball fans admire our friends at MSA Architects for taking Opening Day off like a holiday. Granted, their offices are in downtown Cincinnati, and logistically, getting to and from work and getting anything done when the office overlooks the stadium would be pretty difficult in the first place, but we think it makes a pretty good business statement too.

Opening Day at Choice One brings a big bag of peanuts in the shell, lots of talk and dreams of pennant races, and the radio getting switched to 700 WLW near game time. Some in the company, however, (ahem, Jeff Puthoff) think baseball is “boring,” and, similarly, think taking the day off of work for a baseball game is ridiculous.

Of course, when you look at Choice One’s history, we’ve come up with plenty of “better” reasons to take days off. For instance:

• Giving yourself a concussion falling down during a sand volleyball game.
• Taking  one of your children to the emergency room for the fifteenth sports-related injury.
• Getting your car stuck in your driveway on a snowy day. Or not being able to get up a steep, hilly road on a snowy day.
• Injuring your foot tripping over the fuel pump line at a gas station.
• Taking your kids to Kalahari Waterpark for the fifth weekend in a row. Or to Disney for the third year in a row.
• Getting an early start to Oktoberfest, Russia Homecoming, Pioneer Days, Country Concert, etc.

So cheers, MSA, for taking off Opening Day. Perhaps Choice One can consider becoming the official civil engineers of Urgent Care, Versailles Poultry Days or Honda Snow Blowers for a few extra days off.

Diet, Schmiet

Greg Albers: “Why is everyone on a diet? Francis, are you on a diet?”
Ryan Francis: “This Francis ain’t on no diet.”

 



Based on recent temperatures and random overnight snowfalls, Spring has yet to reach the area. Subsequently, Ryan Francis is obviously unconcerned about swimsuit season.

 

Worry can be all-consuming. While any surveyor can work on his or her physique (perhaps by swinging the sledgehammer themselves instead of forcing young, innocent surveyors to do it for them), worrying about something we can’t control--like the arrival of Spring or the weather--isn’t productive. (Nevertheless, try telling that to the farmers here at Choice One…)

 

As children’s book author Mitzi Chandler once said, “Worry is as useless as a handle on a snowball.” Especially if that snowball falls at the end of March. Besides, Ryan has no need to worry about dieting… He has far too many other pressing worries.

Restricted Diet

"We are on a strict diet of corn husks only."
Dane Nagel, Village of Versailles



...and judging by the Municipal Cup Cornhole Championship Versailles won in 2011, a "corn husk only" diet is an effective way to prepare for the Cornhole Tournament.

March 27 will mark the 7th Choice One Engineering Cornhole Challenge. Over the years, the tournament has evolved a little bit (remember when you just threw the corn-bag like a normal person instead of spinning in a circle with your eyes closed and flinging a flying monkey?), but this year will mark the best changes yet.

1. First, the location is changing. Since we were running out of room at the Sidney American Legion, the event will be held this year at Shelby Oaks Golf Course just outside of Sidney. We're hoping that this move to a golf facility will subversively quiet the whiners who have been relentlessly pestering us about a return to the Choice One Golf Outing days of old.
2. Second, this year the event will benefit a really great Shelby County charity called Sluggers Little League. This program offers children between the ages of 5-18 with a mental and/or physical disability a chance to play Little League baseball. There is no fee for the players; the only prerequisite is that the players come with a desire to play baseball and have fun. Raffle tickets and donations collected at the Cornhole Tournament will be matched by Choice One and donated to this worthwhile cause.
3. Finally, those stylish green jackets pictured above on those fetching young gentlemen will no longer be awarded to the winning team. Instead, Choice One Engineering will make a $300 donation to a charity of the winner's choice in the winning team's municipality.

Change can be difficult (see note above about the whining golfers...). We suggest, however, that a change worth implementing is promptly switching to a diet of corn husks only.

Fatten Up

“Can you send more nutritious snacks down for Bosses’ Day next time? Because I just sat down in my chair and my button popped off my pants. Good thing Matt had a safety pin.”
- Brian Schmidt



Sometimes dessert is just too hard to pass up. For Brian Schmidt, that “sometimes” equals “always.” And when cheesecake looks like the one above, can you blame him?

Indulging once in a while isn’t a bad thing. At Choice One, we indulge A LOT: we indulge Tony when we listen politely to his continuous soccer talk, we indulge Jeff Puthoff and his incessant farmer complaints (“It’s too wet. It’s too dry. It’s too hot. It’s too cold.”), and we indulge Brian Goubeaux and his whining about the lack of Texas Cinnamon Rolls in The Canteen.

Be it a sugary treat or a leant ear, the occasional indulgence can satisfy a sweet tooth or a chatty coworker. Even if that means Kaye has to make a special trip to Sam’s Club. In the cold. And snow.

(You’re welcome for your breakfast this morning, Brian.)

1993

"Did you just quote Naughty By Nature?"
- Jeff Puthoff


 



Being that they are an early 1990s rap group, and being that Jeff Puthoff isn't much of a hip-hop kind of guy, you might be surprised to find out that Jeff knows who Naughty By Nature is. However, as told by his spectacular mullet, Jeff was pretty hip in 1993.

There's a lot we can learn from our past. When we complete projects at Choice One, we like to reflect on what went well and what could have been better so that we might learn from ourselves and our experiences. For instance, if traffic engineering was involved, one could learn that Matt and Mitch probably had a lengthy, heated discussion about optimal signal timing. Clients who work with Andy quickly learn that his favorite lunch meetings happen at the China Garden (and he's not shy about multiple trips to the buffet). And any project engineer working with Brian Barhorst would quickly learn that whatever Brian needed, he expected it yesterday.

We can certinaly learn a lot from our past experiences. If we can learn anything from Jeff's past, it might be that some hairstyles should STAY in the past. Keep that in mind Jeff. Please.

Fashion Versus Function

“Megan doesn’t care about fashion, she cares about function.”
Jeff Puthoff

Yes, those are plastic shopping bags on Megan’s feet. And yes, she put those on her feet voluntarily (to keep her feet dry in the rain). And yes, she crossed a public street to reach Choice One. And yes, we laughed at her when she walked in.

 

Practical? Yes. Pretty? Um, not to everyone… (Sorry, Megan.)

 

To some, pretty is more important than practical. But around here, practicality generally outweighs beauty, as our clients are often in the business of saving dollars for themselves or their taxpayers. For instance:

• Tony facilitates the creation of simple zoning codes for municipalities and townships. Usable, functional zoning codes are easy to understand for residents, officials, and potential developers, making a municipality/township attractive to settle and invest in.
• Jeff Kunk buys everyone pizza when only five or six people are in the office, therefore spending less to buy “the whole company” lunch.
• Jeff Puthoff wears cowboy boots to save time--he doesn’t have to match his socks or tie his shoes (we’re not sure he knows how to tie shoelaces anyhow).

In closing, Jeff Kunk will only buy “the whole company” lunch once every 18 years, and fancy shoes probably wouldn’t help Jeff Puthoff be less awkward, but when it comes to being practical designers and engineers, the Choice One crew does pretty well. And, in terms of practicality, shopping bags will keep Megan’s feet dry. But we’re still going to laugh at her.

Blimps

TONY: "A 'blip'? Are you sure it's not a 'blimp'? You know, like the Goodyear Blimp."

KAYE: "It's definitely not a 'blimp.' What if it was the Hindenburg and came crashing down?"

TONY: "Well, that's why you want to watch out if it's a blimp!"

 

 

The context of the conversation above is not important. Well it might be important, but it involves Tony's poor spelling skills again, and we hate to embarrass him too much--we do quite a bit of that already (and as you can see above he doesn't need much help from us). What's important is that if there's a blimp in the air, it's apparently a risky situation.

 

At Choice One, we don't typically take a "the sky (or the blimp) is falling" attitude; we're more the down-to-earth type. Still, it's good to be prepared in case a fiery crash is likely. In Kaye's case it might be looking a little more carefully before making a left-hand turn into oncoming traffic in Ada with the brand new company car. In Nick Selhorst's case it might mean making sure the lid is screwed on tight on your travel mug. In Ryan Francis's case it might mean replacing the cap on the fluorescent marking paint before tossing it into the backseat of the truck.

 

Regardless of the bits of preparation we do, sometimes a blimp-full of crap happens. If we can laugh at it a little, perhaps we can turn the "blimp" into just a "blip."