Of Mouses and Men

Matt Hoying: “Megan, remember our disagreement over the correct term for more than one computer mouse? Steve Caddell with the City of Mason emailed me a link that says that both MOUSES [Matt’s vote] or MICE [Megan’s vote] is correct.”

Kecia Flaute: “So EVERYBODY is right! But, Megan, it sounds like the term "mice" is MOSTLY right!”

Matt: “Why will no one ever acknowledge that I am right and Megan is wrong?”

Ah, the Internet, ultimate resolver of disagreements. It’s hard to remember how we sorted out disputes before Al Gore got around to inventing the World Wide Web for us.

Even with Wikipedia, there are still a few running quarrels here at Choice One that may never be settled. Like whether or not there were really breadsticks at lunch. Or whether Mitch Thobe is 5’7” (which he is) or 5’9” (which he claims). Or what morning Jeff Kunk is going to bring doughnuts. Oh wait, there’s no dispute  there, the correct answer is NEVER.

Right or wrong, Matt, you’re likely fighting a losing battle here: not only does Megan enjoy being right, she’s eight months pregnant, so it’s best not to cross her. Our advice is to just nod and agree with whatever she says. Like when she explains her “practical” reason for wearing plastic bags, or why she may have non-random Doritos stashed in her car.

P.S. If you happen to have a Choice One mouse, and it falls asleep on you, just hit enter on your keyboard to wake it up! Lazy mouses...

Stocking Stuffers

"I will leave it up to you if you want to file this photo under 'Francis being efficient,' or 'Francis with multiple opportunities for bad luck.'"
-Wes Goubeaux

There was once a time when we thought having more than one monitor might be excessive (and a time when smartphones were unessential and dial-up internet was fast). But to work efficiently in 2014, Ryan Francis needs four monitors for the computer to keep up with his breakneck speed.

We have a few others here who would like to be more efficient in this day and age. So if anyone is shopping for clever Christmas gifts for Choice One, here’s a few ideas:

• Jeff Puthoff would like someone to drive him around so that he could work while traveling between meetings; truthfully, he wants to nap while someone else drives.
• Brian Schmidt would like someone (or something) to hold his parking spot outside the door of the Loveland office--every time he leaves for lunch or a site visit he loses it and has to park behind the Choice One office (you know, like 100 yards away).
• Nick Selhorst would like someone to change the paper in the full-size plotter for him. If he kept score it would be Plotter: 7, Nick: 0.
• Wes Goubeaux would like lighted restroom sign (like on airplanes) so that he doesn’t walk all the way to the front of the office only to find both restrooms occupied.
• Michael Seeger would like someone to make sure there’s always fresh coffee in the break room. Because pushing the “brew” button and waiting three minutes is SO hard sometimes.

While Jeff Puthoff may not get his chauffeur any time soon and Nick will have to keep fighting the plotter, perhaps four monitors will be standard in the not-so-distant future--Wes already has three monitors for his computer. Perhaps Wes shouldn't be giving Ryan a hard time for “being efficient;” but he can absolutely continue to give Ryan a hard time about being unlucky.

#christmas

"What's a hashtag? Something on Tweeter?"
- Brian Barhorst

It's Christmastime here at Choice One, and that means preparing holiday gifts, putting up the office Christmas tree, and legendary Signing of the Christmas Cards. You see, all six hundred-some cards require an original signature from each of the 32 Choice Oners. Per person, this amounts to about 30 minutes of actual signing and about 30 hours analyzing the signing.

This year's card includes a few festive hashtags. Clearly, Brian Barhorst is not overly familiar with the hashtag phenomenon, nor is he familiar with that new-fangled "Tweeter" social networking service. It might not be a surprise, then, that we have a few other technology-unaware people around here. For instance, Tony likes to get on his "texting machine" to send messages. Sometimes he's even adept enough to (accidentally?) include an emoji*.

Thankfully, it only takes a simple Sharpie for Tony and everyone else to sign the Christmas cards. But even without technology, we still find ways to lovingly give each other a hard time during the Signing of the Christmas Cards. Like when someone doesn't sign the card per the instructions (ahem... Dan Perreira). As Greg remarked: "Perhaps Dan's hashtag should have been 'does not follow directions.'" But don't worry Dan, Brian Barhorst will have no idea how to find ANY hashtags referring to you on "Tweeter."

* That's a smiley face and the like, Tony.

It's Raining... Mustard

[CRASH!]
Brittany: "You alright in there?"
Brian "Goub" Goubeaux: "Yeah, the refrigerator is kicking my butt."

The refrigerator here at Choice One occasionally "kicks the butt" of those trying to squeeze in their lunch bag or find their favorite soda in The Canteen. Sometimes, trying to fit in a Tupperware of leftovers into the sardine-tight block of crowded shelves results in a whole lot of stuff crashing down in a cascade of expired salad dressings, old, wrinkled apples, and diet ginger ale (who requested THAT for The Canteen?!).

Other things overly full at Choice One?

• Bathroom space. The line gets long in the Sidney office after a company meeting (during which Tony hooks up his personal IV of coffee). 
• Our boots. With Michigan, Ohio State, Browns, Reds, Patriots, Bengals, and Steelers fans all in two offices, the sports talk gets pretty deep around here. 
• The Loveland refrigerated water jug. Oh wait, that's never full because Nick Selhorst never fills it back up. 

Goub, hope you didn't develop a concussion from the falling bottles of BBQ sauce and containers of dried-out, leftover pizza-we've all experienced "Refrigerator Tetris." Even Tony complains about the lack of space in the fridge when there's too much of that "crap" Bud Light and not enough room for his "fancy" craft brews.

Hidden Talents

“My picture went out on that mailer this week, so I figured the office would be getting a lot more phone calls.”

Dan Perreira

The jury’s still out as to whether Dan’s photo on a recent mailer has triggered a spike in phone calls, but don’t worry Dan, there’s no reason why those phones won’t be ringing aaaaaaaaaaaany day now.

Dan is clearly awesome in photographs, but all of our guys in the field have notable talents and interests you may be unaware of. For instance:

• Ryan Francis is a pro at fluffing tails and wiping noses. (He and his family raise and show championship dairy cattle, including the recent Supreme Championat the World Dairy Expo).
• Jeff North is an accomplished fisherman and photographer. So his “big fish” stories are backed up with photographic evidence.
• Eric Kuck is a pro at restoring [red] International Harvester farm machinery. Too bad he has to wear [John Deere] green every day.
• Craig Frilling belongs to his hometown’s Volunteer Fire Department. His enthusiasm for fighting fires (especially the big, hot ones) will even prompt him to jump right out of his clothes to keep cool. He's also been know to play a pretty "mean" Easter Bunny.

Ultimately, any positive results from this mailer will be credited to Dan. However, Dan, if you want a little advice, Kaye would tell you that to really get the phone ringing around here, just invoice the Governor.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

"Believe it or not, you guys, gray isn't our natural hair color."

- Jeff Puthoff

Next Friday, October 24th, marks the 20th anniversary of Choice One Engineering. It also marks the 20th anniversary of Jeff Puthoff's awesome African safari tie (or are those eagles, Jeff?). Some of the "young punks" here, as Jeff would call them, don't know a Choice One without Jeff's gray hair, everyday green shirts, and afternoon coffee. Heck, they don't even remember the typewriter and the fax machine.
A few other things have changed since 1994 besides the graying of Tony's and Jeff's hair (sorry Tom, if you're reading this from retirement, there's no denying your hair was already gray). For instance:

• The Sidney/Shelby County area code was 513 and not 937. Those of us old enough to remember 513 can probably recall what a big deal the change was, especially when dialing on a rotary phone. Dialing "937" took so much longer!

• The internet, email, and cell phones were still just the "next big thing," just likewipe warmers and Diaper Genies are nowadays.

• Brian "Barney" Barhorst was still a humble resident of Fort Loramie and not Minster.

• Our Loveland office space was a Clermont County branch of the Bureau of Motor Vehicles. 

• Some Choice One employees (such as summer help Camille and co-op Lexi) weren't even born yet.

If you'd like to take a walk down the Choice One memory lane with us, check out more photos here. You'll see a little less gray hair and a few more eagle/safari ties, but we hope you notice that the spirit of Choice One in place in 1994 has only grown in the past 20 years. Thanks to everyone--clients, spouses, families, advisers, and friends--who has helped us along the way. Here's to another 20 years of enjoyment.

Happy birthday Choice One!

Trumped

“Geez, give her one compliment and she thinks she runs the place!”

-Tony Schroeder

Meet Kecia, our digital media gal. Meet Kecia, our digital media gal, commandeering Tony's office. Meet Kecia, our digital media gal, commandeering Tony's office her third week on the job. Brave? Or crazy?

Truth be told, Kecia shouldn't worry. Tony's office has had numerous inhabitants and uses over the years. You may recall that Tony took two months to cross the USA on a bicycle several years ago (you can relive that "magic" at Tony Chasing Wade), and while he was gone we hijacked his office for all sorts of entertaining activities, such as ping-pong (Kaye won, of course), naps, and miniature farming. Come to think of it, it's fair to assume that Tony's office is actually far more productive and functional when used as a pizza buffet or executive bathroom.

With all of that in mind, and in a moment of weakness, Tony decided to let Kecia stay despite the fact that she hijacked his office when he wasn't looking. But the minute she blocks access to the snacks, steals Schmidty's dessert, or interrupts Kaye's daily nap, she's gone.

Breadsticks?!

Ryan Lefeld: Breadsticks? There were breadsticks?!

Casey Heitkamp: I didn’t see any breadsticks. Did you know there were breadsticks?

Brian Goubeaux: I knew there were breadsticks. They were right next to me so I didn’t mention them to anyone else.

Michael Seeger: Mention what?

Brian Goubeaux: That there were breadsticks.

Tyler Thobe: There were breadsticks?

This was just a sampling of the hubbub that trickled down the line of designers and engineers here this week as they left the conference room after a supplier provided pizza (and breadsticks!?) during a lunch and learn. It’s like “The Song that Never Ends”—the same basic conversation just went on and on, my friend.

A free lunch (especially pizza) is serious business here. Just as serious is missing even a portion of a free lunch (especially, apparently, if it’s breadsticks). We hate to miss things at Choice One. It’s why Mitch and Allen Heitbrink stand on the corner to watch a new traffic signal cycle through its timings late into the evening (NERDS!). It’s why Jeff Kunk never takes his birthday off, lest he miss his yearly delivery of flowers (but never doughnuts. NEVER!). And it’s why Caray never missed a three-point shot in high school basketball.

The conversation that wasn’t supposed to end did the next morning. A devious individual (described by onlookers as “wearing a safety yellow shirt”) ate the leftover pizza before most of us got to the office. The never-ending conversation trickling down the line quickly turned from “Breadsticks?” to “Justice!” But it will change again—probably by the time we’re looking for free lunch.

Not So Fast, My Friend

“Wait… Not so fast. Not so fast! NOT SO FAST! I can only type so fast!”
- Tony Schroeder

Imagine Tony taking dictation from Brian Barhorst. Yes, let that scene sink in.

For those of you who don't know them, Tony is a slow typist, and Brian is not a slow anything. So watching such a scene unfold in person may have led to a few stifled laughs. 

Slowing down is challenging when there are plans to draw up, layout stakes to drive, and Cincinnati-area traffic to beat. Furthermore, we have prided ourselves on being timely and responsive since Choice One was created 20 years ago in the "Batcave" (otherwise known as Tony's basement). Indeed, some here reminisce on those times, visualizing themselves as prompt, nimble superheroes, quick to respond to the villains of storm water runoff and intersection congestion who mercilessly destroy helpless infrastructure. 

(We hate to burst your bubble, guys, but you probably looked more like Gomer Pyle than Batman. Although come to think of it, some at Choice One were still in diapers 20 years ago and have no idea who Gomer Pyle is.)

Nonetheless, Tony, as long as you're timely and responsive to clients, don't worry about typing slow. Use that typing time to take a deep breath and focus. You and Brian may not communicate at the same speed, but at least you have one thing in common: you're both old enough to know who Gomer Pyle is. Shazam.

Jump! Jump!

“Caray left her lights on. It took two cars to jump her. Again.”

-          Brittany Clinehens and Kaye Borchers

There are three lessons in today's Choice Mindset:

1. Caray needs a vehicle with automatic lights.
2. If Brian Barhorst's car is unable to jump-start Caray's van nine months ago because it's "too fancy," it's not going to jump-start Caray's van today, either.
3. It's a good thing Caray has at least TWO people who pretend to be her friends here at Choice One so she can get herself home.

To address Item 1:

Not only should Caray's replacement vehicle have automatic lights, but maybe a place for her children's unwanted food as well. And it definitely should have the power NOT to get stuck in the mud in the middle of a major metropolis.

To address Item 2:

Since Brian's car is "too fancy" to jump-start another car, we can assume that profits from The Canteen are not only going towards lavish vacations, but "fancy" vehicles as well. In fact, we bet Brian's "fancy" vehicle has automatic lights, a trash can, AND four-wheel drive.

To address Item 3:

We really are pretty lucky to work with friends here at Choice One (both coworkers and clients). Except for Kaye. She makes NO friends within Choice One writing these Mindsets, for obvious reasons.

To conclude, Caray, if you need another jump-start, you know there are plenty of friends to help. Just don't ask Brian Barhorst a third time, because that kind of forgetfulness will land you in (yet another) Mindset.

Baby on Board

“Matt, I thought we were a family here at Choice One. Why did I have to find out you and your wife are having a baby through Facebook?!”
- Greg Albers

Choice One has a pretty “uncommon” family atmosphere. And it’s pretty obvious from the photo that we’re probably that one really weird family in your neighborhood.  

See, several months ago, Matt announced his wife’s pregnancy on Facebook rather than in person, prompting Greg to make the statement above. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when Greg announced the actual BIRTH of his son to everyone at Choice One on Facebook rather than in a private call or message. Pot calling the kettle black, much?

This prompts us to compare Choice One to a stereotypical pregnancy and see many correlations: we love to eat ice cream, snacks, pizza, and pickles. We often feel awkward and ungraceful. We can get frustrated and be grumpy with each other. And when it’s all said and done, we are willing to put in hours of painstaking labor to deliver something we love and can all be proud of.

Matt, when you and your wife Amanda have your little girl this December, we hope you don’t just inform us via Facebook. And for the baby’s future sanity, we hope she likes green and purple.

"She's My Lady"

“Well, if I have to listen to ‘Lady’ again, might as well crank it up.”

- Nick Sanders

A little backstory here: Nick Sanders is NOT a fan of the 1980 Kenny Rogers hit “Lady.” At all. So, naturally, it gets played at top volume in our Sidney location often.

Nick’s “joyful” endurance of the song “Lady” is a” good lesson: sometimes you just have to grin and bear it. Heck, the lucky guys and gals who are delightfully spotlighted in these biweekly Choice Mindsets are good sports enough to exercise that same tolerance. Let’s just not mention to Nick that he’s both the victim, er… “highlight” of this week’s Choice Mindset AND has had to listen to “Lady” at top volume on repeat.

It’s probably safe to say we all have to do things we dislike. Matt cleans toilets. Wes endures hugs. Doing those things with a good attitude doesn’t make them disappear, but it can make them a little more bearable. Just imagine what it might be like if Jeff Kunk didn’t grin and bear it every time he spent $10 to bring doughnuts in for everyone? Oh wait that’s NEVER HAPPENED, so we wouldn’t know…

Thanks for the positive attitude, Nick. Maybe if you just listen to “Lady” one more time you’ll finally like it. We’ll play it two more times, just to be sure.   

Tony the Kid

“No cavities again. Because I’m a rock star.”

- Tony Schroeder

Or a cowboy. We’re not sure. Maybe he’s preparing to be a Cowboy Rock Star for this weekend’s Country Concert in Fort Loramie, just up the road from the Sidney office.

If Tony WAS a Cowboy Rock Star, perhaps the rest of us at Choice One could be his band, backup singers, and roadies. I wonder what kinds of songs we would perform?

• “I’ve Got a Box for a Briefcase, and I’m Stuck in the Mud” by Calamity Caray Schmiesing
• “Diaper Genies and Wipe Warmers Ain’t the Way it Used to Be” by Nick “One-Arm” Sanders
• “Business in the Front, Party in the Back” a duet by Hayseed Kaye Borchers and Sunshine Matt Hoying
• “Here’s a Quarter, Call Someone in Ada” by Angela “Deadeye” Polechek
• “Achy Breaky Truck” by Ryan “Lucky” Francis

Other than occasionally singing along to AC/DC on the radio, not many of us have heard Tony sing. So we’re not too sure what kind of Cowboy Rock Star Tony will make, although his song list does look interesting. At least one thing’s for sure: he’ll have clean, cavity free teeth!

Crying Over Spilled Milk

Brittany: “I checked your file and did not find the signed form.” 

Nick Selhorst: “Um, I may have had the signed one laying on my desk that I spilled coffee on everywhere, now that I’m thinking about it. How can I make this better?”

Brittany: “Well, maybe a sippy cup from now on?”

Nick is a bit…accident-prone. And as an avid coffee drinker, he frequently has a cup of joe on hand, just itching to be spilled.

At Choice One, we’ve had some memorable spills. There was the “Great Ketchup Spill” performed by Nick Sanders at a lunch during an educational seminar--he succeeded in covering his entire (green) shirt with red ketchup. Jackson Center Village Administrator Bruce Metz still laughs heartily recalling the occasion. And just this week Kaye took a spill when she tripped over a rail at the Trupointe Rail Shuttle Facility ribbon cutting in Milford, Indiana. Nothing like falling on your face (and smashing the company camera in the process) in front of a couple hundred people. A guy in a golf cart even drove over to make sure she was ok. (Rest assured, only her pride was hurt.)

Thankfully, we’ve been fortunate to have some valuable spills. The overrunning-and-spilling-everywhere coffee maker incident has granted us endless occasions to hassle Tony. Caray’s children recently spilled a soft taco in her “briefcase,” prompting her to start using an actual briefcase. And ultimately, we hope our fun spills over into our relationships with all of you.

Mr. Selhorst, if you’ll recall, Santa did bring you a lidded, dinosaur-shaped cup for Christmas. We propose you put the ol’ Sippy-saurus Rex back into service.

Stacked

“With the new copier/scanner, Camille will be able to get 2015 archived before WE even get there.”
- Brian Barhorst

Camille, our seasonal gal, has quite a stack of work ahead of her this summer. Literally. With a new copier/scanner (advanced enough to be a time machine… that could run on Megan’s random Doritos, just like the Super Bowl ad), Choice One is going digital with its history/archive files to free up office space currently occupied by filing cabinets. Camille’s job here this summer will be to scan about five years’ worth of plans, contracts, Permits to Install, topographic surveys, and nonsensical, handwritten notes (and if they’re Brian Schmidt’s, they might be illegible).

Just think if we could work ahead now into 2015! The field surveyors could plan for rain and work only in the best, driest weather (therefore keeping Ryan Francis from getting trucks stuck in the mud). The tech geeks around here could already be figuring out their iPhone 6s. And we could all make sure we fix our brackets just right so we DON’T win the office NCAA pool (lest we have to buy lunch).

Despite the overwhelming look of the “Leaning Tower of Files” Camille has (indeed, it appears to have made her turn green like the rest of us), she knows her efforts will be greatly appreciated. Because, hey, with a couple of banks of filing cabinets removed, there will be more space in our offices, theoretically allowing us to hire more Jeffs, Brians, Michaels, Ryans, Dans, Allens, and Nicks to maintain our distinct conformity.

What's in a Name?

"Hey! Those all belong to me. They all have my name on them."

Tyler Thobe

If you can’t tell from the photo, Tyler is surrounded by the Ty Brand Beanie Babies we used for the recent Choice One Charity Cup. Each one has a little tag on it that says “Ty,” so Ty felt they all belonged to him. Or were at least named after him.

That got us thinking:  what other children’s toys/cartoons could be associated with Choice One staffers?*

• The Toys ‘R’ Us mascot, Geoffrey the Giraffe has a lot in common with Jeff Puthoff. Jeff is tall and awkward, and was blonde once, before he started going grey.
• The children’s cartoon dinosaur Barney could certainly take his name from Choice One’s Barney (Brian Barhorst). Brian loves purple and green and is almost as old as a dinosaur.
• While the “Geekman Action Figure” is not specifically named “Mitch” or “Matt,” we know that his name would be Mitch or Matt if he had a name, because they’re both traffic geeks.

As a final point, unlike Jeff, Barney, Mitch and Matt (who each have something in common with their name-sharing counterpart), Ty doesn't share the characteristics of the Beanie Babies he has. Except maybe the turkey. And the goose.

*You may think we missed an obvious one here, but there is no correlation between Tony Schroeder and the Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes mascot Tony the Tiger. Tony Schroeder is neither a tiger nor does he eat sugary cereal. We won’t comment whether or not he’s “GRRRRRRRRRRREAT!”

Paid Vacation

Recent text message conversation between Tony and Brittany (YES! Tony knows how to text!):

We’re still collecting donations to help send Tony away on another long bicycle ride (thanks to all of you who have already made private donations—we won’t reveal your identity to Tony). However, we’re one step closer, as Tony ordered a new bike and it arrived recently while he was out of the office.

With Tony away again, we could repurpose his office for poker games, ping-pong, and buffets. But that got us thinking: if we could send a few more people away, what could we “accomplish” around here?

• If we could send Brian Barhorst away, we could abuse The Canteen. (Oh wait, we already do that…)
• If we could send Wes Goubeaux away, we would NOT have to hear about the Chicago Cubs every single day.
• If we would send Michael Seeger, Ryan Lefeld, and Eric Kuck away, we could stop having to endlessly discuss all the frilly details of their upcoming weddings. Really guys, you should stop stressing so much over flower arrangements, how to drape the tulle on the head table, and deciding which cufflinks the groomsmen should wear. 

While all that does sound tempting, we’re probably best when we’re together—we have and can accomplish pretty great things as a team. You know, like eating more pizza than the average American and “helping” each other out when it’s time to do the dirty work.

The Cheesiest

Greg: "You have a random bag of Doritos in your car right now?"
Megan: "There’s no such thing as a random bag of Doritos."

We take our snacks seriously here, if you haven’t noticed. But as our resident Eagle Scout Brian Barhorst can tell us, the point here is that of the Boy Scouts: “Always be prepared.”

Lots of us here have random (and non-random) items in our cars. There are lots of practical items, like a manhole hook, a safety vest, or jumper cables. But there are seemingly less practical items, too, until their convenience is linked to the driver of the vehicle:

• Brittany keeps a feather bed in the back of her minivan, and Kaye keeps a pillow and blanket right there on-hand in the backseat. You never know when the opportunity may arise for a good nap.
• Jeff Puthoff maintains a fine coating of soybean dust in his car. You know, for farmer purposes.
• Tony keeps two- and three-year-old Choice One Christmas gifts in his trunk in case he needs an emergency snack. Nothing like three-year old Oreos and Twizzlers to avoid diabetic shock.
• Allen Bertke reports that he has a half-bag of cold patch (for asphalt repair) in his car. Apparently he’s taking this winter’s pothole situation into his own hands…

Whether it’s a bag of popsicle sticks and a funnel (Michael Seeger) or a four-foot level (Brian Schmidt), all of us at Choice One maintain a healthy ration of randomness. And Megan’s right, there is no such thing as a random bag of Doritos; in this office, we don’t let those delicious, cheesy delicacies randomly sit around for long.

Hanging Out

“Casey, I would consider sitting in a different area. At least until we know this thing will stay up there.”
- Jeff Puthoff

 

This is one of those “how many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb” jokes just waiting to happen. Allen Bertke (left) and Michael Seeger (right) hung  a TV monitor over co-op Casey’s desk a few weeks back. If the strange map of blue tape on the wall and the intensity of the measuring going on is any indication, it will probably fall down before the end of the month. Measure once, cut twice… Or something like that, right guys?

Many of us have specialties here. Allen is our floor-layer and wall-builder (although he could have added a little more insulation so that the Loveland guys didn’t have to listen to beginner clarinet practice next door each day). Tony is our perpetual delegator. And Matt makes sure all of the professional licenses are level and equally spaced on the wall in both offices. (Oh, and he cleans and maintains toilets.)

It may take a few tries to use our extra “talents” since they’re not about the surveying and engineering education and experience we have. Shoot, clearly no amount of experience can prepare someone to hook up a coffee machine. For Casey’s sake, let’s hope the TV stays on the wall. 

Purse Strings

“Tony, thanks for the new briefcase. I just found a half- eaten piece of toast in my current one.”
- Caray Schmiesing

Some might call it strange, but we call it practical: our controller Caray often works from home, and she transports her most precious possessions (calculator, highlighter, Diet Coke) with… a coffee box.

Don’t laugh! This is practical for many reasons:

• Every time we finish a box of coffee? New briefcase!
• White and brown are fashionable neutrals that match everything. Want a splash of color? Take the decaf box, with its bright orange packing tape.
• Traveling for business? There’s no way that box is getting confused in a sea of black and brown bags.
• Have an emergency shipping (or toast-eating) situation? No problem! There’s always a box on hand. 

What it really comes down to is that Caray isn’t concerned about looking fashionable, she’s more about getting the work done and done with accuracy, right down to the last cent. (Which is certainly an important trait of a controller.) And when every cent matters, she’s awfully lucky that Tony offers her a new, FREE briefcase every week!

I'd Like to Buy a Vowel

"Spelling Dan's last name is like spelling 'Mississippi:' P-RR-E-RR-I-RR-A."
- Kaye Borchers  

So someone may have accidentally slipped an extra 'R' into Dan Perreira's name on some shirts we had made. We won't mention any names, but it starts with an "M" and ends with a "egan."

Hopefully Dan wasn't too offended. Come to think of it, if we would add an extra letter or two to some of our other last names here, we could make some improvements:

• Brian and Wes Goubeaux could become Brian and Wes Goubeauxi. Because really, the only vowel missing in their last names is 'i.'
• Ryan Lefeld could become Ryan "Leftfield." You know, 'cause he's pretty out there...
• Mike Goettemoeller could become Mike "Geoetetemeoelelere." That way there's an 'e' after EVERY letter instead of after just every THIRD letter.

Of course, Megan feels terrible about the extra 'R.' To make it up to him, Megan offered Dan a hug. He declined by walking VERY quickly in the other direction.

P.S. The shirt above is a little preview for next week's Hog Roast and Charity Cup. Hope to see you there on the 26th!

Flowers? For Me?

"I told her not to this year."

- Jeff Kunk

Did you get flowers for your last birthday? Neither did Jeff Kunk. He got flowers for this last TWO birthdays.

Jeff may sound lucky, but as evidenced by his comment above, having good fortune while at Choice One rarely pays off. For instance, should a young man here get engaged to be married, he will promptly be teased about the “mistake” he’s just made. Any kind of cash award (a door prize, an NCAA bracket pool win, etc.) means buying lunch for everyone else, which is AWESOME when you've won $20 and the pizza costs $70. First paycheck? Doughnuts. And that beautifully-wrapped Christmas gift with your name on it? Probably a box full of good-natured harassment.

Jeff Kunk probably is pretty lucky--he has a wife who thinks enough of him to send him flowers for his birthday two years straight. Yet we will all assume the truth: she’s just helping the rest of us give him crap for turning 29. AGAIN. 

Hey, Uh, You!

“You guys apparently only hire people with certain names: Nick, Jeff, Dan, Ryan, Brian, Allan, and Michael.”

- Douglass Degen, Drainage Engineer, Allen County Engineering

Indeed, Mr. Degen, indeed. 

Of our 30 employees, 46% of them have the same name as someone else in the company. And if you count our part-time construction inspectors Mike Sovinski and Dan Durham, that number goes up to 50%.

This phenomenon certainly wasn't intentional (and to be honest, we wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of those Jeffs--we won't say which two). However, there are good things about having double and triple names here:

• If something is "Brian's fault," well, heck, it can always be one of the other Brians, right?
• Buying name-embossed Christmas gifts for each other is simpler. You know, because the guys here TOTALLY buy each other name--embossed Christmas gifts each year.
• We get to come up with all kinds of fun nicknames to tell them apart: Nick and Not Nick; Puthoff, Kunkles, and Shorty; Barney, Goub, and Schmitty; Dumb and Dumber. Oh wait, that last one could apply to more than just two people around here...

The bottom line? If you have an emergency engineering question, then call and ask for Brian or Jeff-one of the six is bound to be in.

P.S. In case you're wondering, left to right, one seated in front of one (or two) standing, pictured above are: Michael Goettemoeller and Michael Seeger; Nick Selhorst and Nick Sanders; Jeff Kunk, Jeff North, and Jeff Puthoff; Allan Heitbrink and Allen Bertke (yes, that counts even though it's spelled differently); Ryan Lefeld and Ryan Francis; Brian Barhorst and Brian Goubeaux (Brian Schmidt, absent). Not pictured? Dan Durham, Dan Perreira, and Mike Sovinski.

"WDG"

"You can't tell he's bald in this picture though."
- Jeff Puthoff

While making edits to a Statement of Qualifications, Jeff Puthoff made a "polite" observation of Wes's head shot. I guess this balances out Jeff calling Wes smart AND skinny a while back.

There's a few other observations we could make about Wes:

• "Goubeaux" is a tricky last name. (It's pronounced "Goo-BO" if you weren't sure.) On top of that, he's from the Village of Russia, which is pronounced "Roo-SHE." What gives?
• His initials are WDG, which makes this Dilbert cartoon really funny.
• Even though he claims to be a life-long Reds fan, we hear he really may be a Cubs fan at heart.

Whether or not his head shot was cleverly cropped on purpose or if it was just a happy accident (Wes isn't telling), we wouldn't trade our favorite WDG for anything--and no, we're not talking about our actual "WDG" Tony. Although Megan might trade Wes for a WDG who likes hugs.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Kaye:  “Andy, can you give me a report on snow and road conditions? I am driving to Dayton later.”
Andy:  “Yes. Hopefully my report’s not from the ditch. Because that means the roads are bad.” 

So we probably don’t have to tell you it’s been cold. But just in case: “It’s cold!”

We can’t share most of our feelings on the cold because they contain expletives not fit for a Choice Mindset. However, we do have a few reasons to enjoy the cold and snow:

• The frigid weather is payback to the survey guys for all those sunny, 70-degree days that they get to work outside.
• There’s the potential for someone to get stuck in the parking lot and for a Choice One mob to run across the street to come to his or her rescue, as pictured. (Why did you need so much help getting out, Brittany? Was it because that mob wanted to see you safe and sound or because they wanted to make sure they got rid of you?)
• We get to wear our green Choice One long underwear. (We kid—we don’t have green Choice One long underwear. Yet.)

The problem with the cold is that we can’t control it. We joke here that we make water run up hill and we deliver a project yesterday, but cold is beyond the reach of a civil engineer or surveyor. We’ll just have to rely on a meteorologist for that. HA!

For your peace of mind, Andy did not have to deliver his report from the ditch. He made it back to the office safely and Kaye made it to and from Dayton without incident. Probably because she only wrecks her brand new Choice One car on clear, bright, summer days in the middle of downtown Ada. (She was just letting the Village staff know she was in town…)

A Day in the Life

"What's the video camera for, Barney? Recording how awesome you are?"
- Brittany Clinehens

Ah, to live a day in the life of Brian "Barney" Barhorst, one of our lead designers--stocking the canteen, baking cookies for the Loveland office, bossing everyone around, and just generally being awesome (obviously)... Sounds pretty cushy, eh?

But stop and consider for a moment: what would a day in the life of Barney, or any Choice One-er, for that matter, REALLY look like? By now you might (correctly) figure it looks something like this:

1. Put on green shirt. 
2. Drive to work. 
3. NOT eat doughnuts, because Jeff Kunk didn't bring them. Again. 
4. Joke around with Ryan Francis before he goes out in the field for the day. 
5. Work, work, work. 
6. Drink coffee (as long as Tony has the coffee machine in working order). 
7. Work, work, work. 
8. Argue with Mitch. 
9. Work, work, work. 
10. Giggle when someone injures him/herself (likely Nick Sanders). 
11. Lunch. LUNCH! 
12. Work, work, work. 
13. Nap?! No nap. Darn. 
14. Think about how great lunch was. 
15. Work, work, work. 
16. Avoid Kaye, who's sneaking around trying to get a Mindset photo without the subject's consent. (How else do you think she got the shotof Barney above?) 
17. Work, work, work. 
18. Get a snack, and maybe an afternoon coffee. 
19. Work, work, work. 
20. Go home.

Really, we've simplified Barney's day here, because truth be told, Barney works hard (he is the designer behind a great number of our projects and the organizer behind many of our Choice One events). But the real reason Barney is recording himself? To show new employees to brainwash them into total Barney-ization. What the video won't show? His devious plans to win every Choice One competition (because he bends the rules in his favor) and all of his time thinking about his next visit to a theme park.